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Bathroom Etiquette & Sexy Girl Sandwiches

Bathroom Etiquette & Sexy Girl Sandwiches

Dear Battleaxe,

Every time I go to dances for us older gals I see women who are clearly over 50, dancing like fools, sometimes grinding with 3 women like a sandwich. They seem to be having a great time but should they be doing this at their age?

Dear Party Pooper,

Of course they should, who says you can’t be dancing like a fool until you are ninety. I say do it until your knees give out and your walker gets in the way. “ I will survive, hey – hey….”

Dear Battleaxe,

I’ve noticed that some people are turned on by certain smells. I once had a GF that didn’t want me to shower after the gym and wanted to make love when I was sportin’ “eau de sweat”! I also had a friend who said she enjoyed the smell that her and her boyfriend would create after having sex, that smelled of “distant skunk”What do you make of that?

Dear Stinky,

P U!!!!!! I don’t care if Pepe’ Le Pew himself was in the room, it’s not a turn on to me. But to answer your question, I’m not sure what makes people do what they do, je ne se quoi??  

Dear Battleaxe,

I was recently in the restroom at work and the person in the next stall was talking on her cell phone. I mean really, as if she can’t wait ‘til she’s done AND as if the person on the other end of the line can’t hear the bathroom noises! It made me want to fart really loud just to show her!  Am I the only one that feels like that?

Dear Loud Farter,

Probably not. To be quite honest, people will do almost anything in the bathroom. Once, at work, two women walked in and went into side-by-side stalls while I was in the third stall. They didn’t skip a beat and continued to talk as they each did their business. One began doing numero dos, and she was grunting, heaving and groaning! She continued talking to her co-worker about how she had to fire someone and get a ton of letters out as she huffed and puffed and just about blew the house down.  OMG!! I couldn’t believe it, I laughed out loud, finished my business and rushed out. To this day, nearly 20 years later, it still cracks me up!

In my 63 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to


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  • leslie says:

    Dear Battle Axe,

    I love the story of the coworkers in the stalls. I remember when you first told me (about 20 years ago). I’ve told the story myself many times, always doing my best to re-enact the sound effects just as you did.

  • ElJay says:

    I used to work with a woman who would talk on the phone while she sat on the toilet. It made me feel as though my privacy was invaded. Once we flushed every toilet in the place repeatedly to disrupt her call. . .she didn’t miss a beat.

    But the worst, the WORST part of all? She never washed her hands! Oh! The thought of that filthy phone! We finally complained about the hand-washing thing, as it posed a health hazard (we used shared phones and computers.) Management told her to scrub up and shut up — sweet relief!